Things you will never get credit for

I was at the Metropolitan with a friend after having had a blow up with him there on saturday. He'd accused me of being unsupportive of him and not curious enough about his love life.

I used to think I was *I* was in love with him to the degree that it had helped f-ck up not one but two previous relationships.

I had gone there to "break up" with him and be through with it once and for all. He was now dating a "gentlemen" now who bought drinks and insisted on getting him cabs.

These are things I'd never do, valuing strength and self-reliance above all else.

I get to the bar and he's seated on a couch with a drink. I approach the bartender and a woman gets there at the same time. She asks what's cheapest and the bartender says "Pabst." She fishes out two dollars and a bunch of dimes, quarters, and nickels. The bartender says "we don't take change below a quarter."

Before she can react I say "I'm going to give you a dollar and you're going to take it." She thanks me and leaves the change on the counter as the bartender says "the bar will only take quarters, but I'll take anything."

He thanks me when she's gone and I say that we've all been there at some point. He says "If I only have two dollars I don't go out to drink." I say "Me either." He says "It's because you were raised right."

I return to my conversation and manage to not get angry about being called disinterested in my friend's life despite the fact that I'd flown to L.A. this summer to see him in a play. I let it go. We finish our drinks. He goes to the bathroom. I ask the bartender to get us another round. He has no idea what my friend is drinking and neither do I. When my friend returns he orders another round and the bartender remembers he's after a Sierra Nevada. I pay and mumble something about owing him for drinks on saturday.

I am not cut out to be gallant and when I try to be it is never seen.

Some people are not meant to dabble in altruism.