Thursday, August 10, 2006

Freedom isn't free nor apparently, particularly desirable

New York Times

At news Web sites, readers posted their thoughts on the developments, and one man writing on The New York TimesÂ’s Web site counseled avoiding the risks of travel in favor of the pleasures of home.

“I really do not understand why anybody would want to go anywhere,” Bill Threlkeld wrote. “Stay home. Read a book. Tend your garden. Make love. Drink wine. But most of all — stay home.”

Yahoo News

"That's part of the price you pay for traveling during a time like this," said Julius Ibraheem, 26, a college counselor from Chicago, as he stared at the long lines leading toward security checkpoints at O'Hare Airport.

"It's better alive than dead," said Bob Chambers, whose flight from Baltimore to Detroit for a business meeting was delayed more than an hour. "It's inconvenient, but we'll make it."

And my least favorite:

"It's a slight inconvenience," said Tom Sheehan of Toledo, Ohio, who was headed for Los Angeles from Detroit Metropolitan Airport. "It's a pain, but I still think getting across the country in six hours is pretty amazing. I don't mind waiting an extra 15 minutes to check my luggage."

Wow. Amazing. I feel lucky I'm allowed to leave the house. Planes are dangerous. Thank goodness we haven't been forced back to horsedrawn carriages. I mean, they're so much safer.

I have nothing smart to say about this. It just makes me sad.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Dreams

I dreamed that I went on vacation (?) with two unidentified female friends and ended up staying at a house full of young, beautiful cultists before a major ritual.

We had been led there but it was unclear if they needed fresh blood for their coven or fresh blood for their sacrifice.

At some point we befriend one of the members who tells us that our behavior in that night's ceremony could mean the difference between life and death. She advises one friend how to wear her hair, and the other what to bring as an offering, and she looks at me and tells me who's sympathetic to us and who's not.

I laugh. Everyone stares "It's like a party." I say by way of explanation. She's telling us the theme, what kind of drinks to bring, and who the key guests are. I stop worrying about the rite: I know party.

Now the only thing I'm worried about is my immortal soul.

Night arrives and we enter the ritual chamber through a small claustrophobic chamber. It's a weird mix of people and I see my paternal grandparents across a sea of young, attractive bodies.
It's very "ice storm" meets "the brotherhood".

I stop noticing the nubile after I see them and realize my dad is also there. They're nagging me after I knock a jack o'lantern shaped pumpkin off a shelf. My dad tells me to put it back together but I've already smashed the face.

I leave the room and end up in a pantry with the post-sacrificial snacks. (grandma and grandpa are big into the upstate NY Methodist scene so imagine.) I add chocolate chips to a ritual cookie dough, worry that I've screwed up and doomed my friends and cultist relatives and wake up hyperventilating.

I eventually fall back to sleep and dream that this guy I used to kind of date before he was convicted of murder has served his sentence and wants to hang out. I'm reluctant but eventually assent.

We end up spending an ok day together and he asks if I want to go have drinks with him at his apartment. He's pissed me off off-and-on all day but I still see things in him that I like. I say yes and we get into his rusted-out old van and drive to the liquor store.

On the way there he asks if I'll buy the booze since it violates his parole and then asks for an extremely rare brand of scotch that the ghetto liquor store we pull into is unlikely to have. I am reminded of how his small requests would always lead into big ones and how he just expected everything but gave nothing. I am about to get out when a crazy, maybe homeless man walks up and starts shouting and pounding on the window.

"Oh sh-t," he says, "we need to get away from him." Apparently he knows the guy, but it's unclear if he's ex-cellmate, brother of victim or vengeful ex. I start to regret my decision to give this guy another chance and wake up from the steaming asphalt parking lot

Note: In real life I have never dated anyone convicted or even accused of murder.

This is what not drinking before bed gets you..

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

When real life feels like Atlas Shrugged

I keep wondering what will break next:

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/08/08/business/08oil.html?ex=1312689600&en=cea68f12b5745860&ei=5088&partner=rssnyt&emc=rss

Love is a devalued currency round these parts

I am so tired of hearing about "love."

Love as universal panacea: "I'm sorry you're upset with me. You know I love you."

Love as self-delusion: "They totally realized they were in love at his going away party."

Love as obstacle: "I'll never be able to love anyone as much as I loved blank. You'd understand if you'd ever felt true love."

Let's try make some substitutions:

"I'm sorry you're upset with me. I know you'll forgive me if I play on your empathy."

"They totally realized they liked each other but always knew they could never make a real relationship work at his going away party."

"I'll never be able to allow myself to be vulnerable to anyone as much as I allowed myself to be to blank. You'd understand if you'd ever been unable to let go.."

Every time we misuse 'love' we degrade its value. If love isn't backed up by a gold standard of truth, loyalty, and self-awareness it's worth nothing but an empty motion of the tongue or movement of the fingers as we make forgeries of our hearts.